Who am I?
Where is my life going?
Will I even use my degree?
What does God have for my in my future?
Will it be different from what I have thought for so long was what He had for me?
What’s the next step?
Where will I be next month?
Where will I be tomorrow?
What will happen in the next hour?
These are all qeustions that have been running through my head lately. They never did before.
For those of you who know me, you know that I am a massive planner. I plan most every minute of every day and I LOVE schedules.
Is my schedule God’s schedule for me?
When I asked myself this question, I was really confused. How do you know what direction to go with your life if you love both options? If God hasn’t told you either one was wrong or right? If God hasn’t chosen to make it clear to me at that moment?
What I am learning is that God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) but he may not choose to reveal it for me in a big picture.
As a sophomore in high school, I had a seven year plan for my life.
As a sophomore in College, I have a 4 week plan for my life.
This may sound super crazy to you guys who just take it a day at a time, but planning is my nature.
But, I’m learning there is beauty in uncertainty, because uncertainty in the little things forces you to certainty of God.
I have never felt as close to Jesus, while I have been planning my way through my life, as I do now, because I am DAILY dependent on His instruction and Holy and Perfect will in my life. DAILY. Not Every other month, not every semester, not every year or even seven. DAILY.
Becoming certain of God, rather than certain of my plan is so beautiful to me.
A lot of this has been brought on by my time here at Crossroads. I have always wanted to be in still graphics and the print industry, but working in video and live production is blowing my mind. I love it. I love calling shots. I love the rush you get when your stage camera man gets that perfect shot that looks absolutely sick. I love seeing people willing to listen to my feeble instruction, but willing to be honest when I’m not doing a good job. I love being instructed by people that are better than me at this, because they know I’m new, but excited to learn. I love trying new things. I love jumping into something that you have no idea whether or not it will work, but trusting that it will. I love messing up and being humbled by it. I love crazy fun on com with the camera and light people. I love feeling that students are really ENGAGING in worship from my act of worship. I love KNOWING with no DOUBT that this is where I am supposed to be this summer.
So, this is all really surprising me.
Where will I go next?
p.s. Love and miss you all.